The foundation of Christian marriage rests upon four fundamental principles. Firstly, it is grounded in the principles of monogamy: the binding together of one man and one woman in a marital relationship. Monogamous marriage is the standard set by God and the early church.
Introduction
1 Timothy 3:2 defines the profile of anyone who aspires to the office of a bishop as one who has one wife. However, Akande (opcit) noted that this was a revolution against the rabbinic law of Jesus Christ’s period.
He argued: that among the Jews in the time of Christ; if there was a danger to life, the husband must first be saved before the wife.
Besides, Jerusalem and the wife were expected to tolerate concubines living as permitted with her in the home Akande observed. Jesus Christ not only rejected polygamy but31 he said whoever divorces his wife…. make her an adulteress. He also preached against the keeping of concubines.
Focus 1
Hence, a polygamous home that exists in our contemporary society is against the Christian conception of marriage because it has no basis in the Old Testament; Christ Barnette (optic) opined that a true Christian should base his marriage on the pure monogamic pattern.
Monogamy, he maintained provides peace and unity within the family both spiritual and physical which eventually affects the stability of the society.
In Nigeria today, there is progress in Christian thought concerning conduct.Adegun(1986 )noted that attempts are being made to ethical problems resisting her movements. This is because there are uncountable tensions in polygamous homes which affects the moral standard of the church and society at large.
Focus 2
Secondly, Christian marriage is grounded in creation. In Matt. 19:14, Jesus Christ said, “Let the children come to me…..”.Every child needs his parent for the full development of his personality. It is very common in our society to see children living with either only their mother or father. This is a result of such factors as economic pressures, separation, and death to mention but a few.
The havoc is caused by a single morality. A child can only be a complete human being and morally balanced when raised by both parents. Baltimore(1994 )said that she saw that her son needed a man around him to develop fully as a man. Therefore parents should avoid anything that will tear them apart as husband and wife for the psychological and general development of their children.
Focus 3
Thirdly, there is the principle of permanency in Christian marriage. Marriage is conceived as the binding together of man and woman permanently. Jesus Christ stressed this unity when he said”…… they are no longer two but one flesh.
(Matt.19:4-6) therefore what God has joined together let no man put asunder.”Christian marriage is a life-long commitment that death alone terminates except in the case of chastity. (Matt. 5:31-32). However, Christian ethics allows re-marriage only in the case of widows;”..
She is free to be married to whom she wishes…(1 Cor.7:39). But St.Paul admonished that the husband or wife must be a Christian.
Focus 4
In our society, a high rate of separation and divorce is a common phenomenon. The quest for materialism, problems of in-laws, barrenness, and sexual unsatisfactory among other factors are some of the reasons for the marriage breakdown.
Frequent quarrels at home pose a lot of problems to the social, political, and economic system of the country, Nevertheless, in Christian marriage, no divorce or remarriage should be sought until all avenues for settlement or reconciliation have been exhausted.
Focus 5
Finally, marriage is consummated with both fidelity and love. Faithfulness in thought as well as action on the part of both husband and wife is the Christian demand. (Eph.5:22). Akande stressed that “couples must learn to laugh together over their follies, weep over their failures, regret over their disappointment, sorrow over losses, rejoice over their success and toil together to build their home.
Merrill(1977) noted that the whole modern controversy among many Christians about the submission of wives to husbands would not be so heated if we paid more attention to the oneness god intends in marriage.
He concluded that if in our marriages, the goals of union, oneness, concurrence, and consensus were more central perhaps we would not need to talk so much about submission.
Therefore couples are to appreciate each other for what they are and not what each would want to other to be, Christian ethics recommend tolerance, fortitude, charity, humility, patience, constant communication, and a prayerful life for couples.
The Personality Interaction in the Family
The whole institution of marriage is within the framework of family relationships. There is personality interaction in the family of Christians.
Focus 1
A family is a group of intimate, informal spontaneous. face-to-face relationships are characterized by both cooperation and clash of personalities. It is in the family thatwishes and needs of children collide with those of father and mother.
However, Schuller(1981) believes that if we take a long positive look at the family, “We will discover not only the treasure but also enjoy the pleasure that comes from belonging to and caring for each other”.
Hence, Barnette(opcit) noted that the husband and wife relationship is the most intimate and testing of all human relationships. He observed that in the family, two personalities with their tastes, desist opinions, and goals are bound to have some tensions.
Focus 2
These tensions could be found in such trifle cases as mannerisms, habits, or more serious matters as infidelity, religious differences, and economic difficulties, But since all these problems are found in every home, the practice of Christian ethics results ingenuine fellowship and harmony. Christ-centered relationships should be the ultimate concern of married couples.
However, some people believe that the institution of marriage is a difficult one, and as such one should expect the tensions in the home. For example, Nederhood (1986)opined that marriage is not always a paradise but a great adventure,
Focus 3
Hume (1990)affirmed that we are a bit naive if we think marriage is an easier vocation than celibacy. One might point out here that Christian ethics does not deny that problems might arise in homes, but rather it demands that marriage as a sacred association between husband and wife must be enjoyed to the fullest.
The so-called difficulties should be seen as part of the pleasure and treasure of marriage. Nevertheless, difficulties between husband and wife must be resolved as quickly as possible with understanding and love.
In Christian ethics, threats to the child’s sense of security by parents are not encouraged. According to Stith(1969), parents often consciously threaten the child’s sense of security. He reiterated that being fair is important to children as they get embarrassed by their parent’s utterances.
Focus 4
An example of a negative attitude of parents toward a child could be found when a child is not passing his or her examination and is being made to feel he does not belong to the family by parents simply because he is not like other children.
When poor performance in examination is noticed by parents, Ack (1969), advised that parents must bear in mind such principles as:
Work must be pleasurable, material must be relevant learning must be active learning must take place within a framework of a significant human relationship.
Focus 5
Therefore, a child must be loved, supported, accepted, and made to see himself as the source of pride and satisfaction to his parents. But this is not to say that parents should go to the extent of aiding and abetting their wards in examination malpractices.
Cheating in examinations is a cankerworm that has eaten deep into the educational system in Nigeria. Unfortunately, some Christian parents aid and abet their children in this shameful act. Parents must teach their children the joy of hard work and honesty.
Christian ethics also demands that parents offer their children sufficient freedom to ‘ perform’. This freedom will give them autonomy to exercise their brains and the opportunity to cope gradually with increased doses of frustration and difficulty to achieve success.
Focus 6
Ginott(1965)opined that parents should praise a child for his efforts and achievements, not on personality attributes. Besides, Christian ethics demand that parents educate their children religiously for it is a duty for it is a duty which cannot be neglected.
But a method of guiding a child in the way to achieve a mature independent personality is through positive discipline.Barnette(opcit) pointed out three characteristics of positive discipline being firm, consistent, and kind.
Focus 7
Ginott on the other hand noted that everyday language is not adequate for communicating meaningfully with children. Perhaps therefore should try and understand their children and be able to predict to an extent what a child can do outside his family.
There are many instances in the Bible about children and conversion. Samuel was a child when he entered the service of God (1 Samuel 1:19:26). Jesus Christ was twelve years old when he taught in the temple(Luke 2:46);.
Timothy loved the word of God from childhood. (2 Timo 1:5). However, the most effective way of interpreting the Christian faith to children is by parental example.
Focus 8
Ingel(1970) noted that children were confronted by Christ when they received Christlike actions and attitudes from those about them. Parents therefore must bring up their children in God’s favor by making sure that their values and environment are informed by Christian insight.
Christian ethics is against child abuse, drug addiction, voluntary servitude, child prostitution, and other immoral acts in our society. These social vices are blamed on parents and families at large most of the time. Stith (opcit), observed that most children have less supervision of their activities because parents are never at home.
He maintained that when parents are irresponsible, less well educated, and with menial jobs, conversation patterns at home are different and often lack Christian thought.
Focus 9
Ginott (opcit) also observed that television consumes a significant part of a child’s day so more of his/her time is spent with the television set than with the parents. He advised that parents should protect their children from uneducative programs.
Here, one might suggest that the only way parents can achieve the above view is by occupying most of their children’s time with religious activities and school work; ensuring that they are at home to be with their children to be able to curtail their quest for materialism, especially money.
Parents must put their families first before careers. Since parental influence does more in shaping a child’s character than any other force, parents must live up to expectations always.
Church and the Family
The church has the greatest opportunity than any institution to serve the family and to improve its quality of life. Mead(1966)observed that the Church set before its members a high deal of monogamy, chastity before marriage, of conjugal fidelity, to exercise ethical and religious discipline in the care of children.
Therefore, the church appeals to those motives that are concerned with values as a school of ethical development.
The Bible is her sole authority in discerning the truth over family affairs. It helps to strengthen the spiritual and moral foundation of the family. Therefore, Christian families should see the priest and other church members especially the elders as the last resort for numerous problems.
Conclusion
The more we value our homes which is the province God has given us, the more come under some sort of re-organization some kind of management to enable people inside it to reach their full potential while the enemies on the outside are held at bay.
This readjustment can only be achieved by families obeying the teachings of the author of Christian ethics. This will lead to good families in other words good citizens who will eventually form a peaceful society devoid of evil and chaos which are becoming endemic in our society today. You can read more related posts on our family ministry page of the site.
